WHY DIVE DEEP? Voice, Vulnerability, Validation
Structured dive-deep discussions (or “circle time” as the youth like to call it) is in actuality nothing more than talk therapy. However, we avoid using the “T” word with these teens because many of them have had their share of therapy in structured and stiff environments that yielded little benefit because the formality fortified their defenses. Authentic vulnerability occurs organically in the flow of the ARTreach 180 curriculum, thereby enabling open sharing and active listening while validating each member’s story. This section is a critical and non-negotiable component of the ARTreach 180 curriculum for several reasons:
- It gives the teens a voice that they might not have anywhere else.
- It builds trust among the group as every member eventually will share something that makes him or her vulnerable.
- It focuses more on commonality rather than differences.
- It gives staff and youth alike an opportunity for self-disclosure in a natural, safe, and non-judgmental setting.
- It provides a logical connecting point to the thematic application of the art or drama project to follow.
Some things we’ve learned:
• A discussion group on occasion will take longer than you anticipate. As long as it is productive and the entire group is engaged, we typically allow it to continue. If, however, there are several who are clearly distracted or if one or two students are monopolizing the discussion, the facilitator will need to respectfully shut down the circle with the assurance that they can continue the discussion as they participate in the structured activity. (or set an appointment time for discussing later)
• What’s said here, stays here. Confidentiality is paramount and must be contracted and agreed upon by every participant when he/she begins the program. Exceptions must also be discussed at the outset so that youth will understand that staff is legally bound to disclose to authorities any information that compromises safety, including suicide ideations or the intent to harm another person. Furthermore, staff members are mandated reporters for any kind of abuse or negligence that might be disclosed during your time together. It is a delicate balance to create a safe place for discussion while at the same time ensuring public safety.
• Although there should be one main facilitator for the group, all staff members are encouraged to review the questions prior to the session and be willing to contribute. Staff should also do any written session activities before coming to group so that they can be available if students need help. Staff should not be afraid to disclose their own struggles insofar as they are appropriate and done to model vulnerability for the students.
• We have found it helpful to have an object (such as a small ball) to pass around as group members answer the question. If participants are not ready when the ball comes around, we allow them to pass for the moment, but we always go back to them before the circle is finished. If an answer evokes controversy or an emotionally charged response from several people at once, it usually only takes a gentle reminder of who holds the ball at the moment to restore decorum. On the rare occasion that chaos erupts, we will have already chosen a student leader or intern who on a pre-determined cue from the facilitator will simply stand up. Other staff members will follow one by one until the group is under control again. Of course, if the disruption continues and redirection is not successful, other means of gaining control will be necessary.
• Because of the need for active listening, we insist that cell phones are silenced and either placed in a box in the center of the circle or in a bag or purse away from the circle area. This expectation is discussed at the beginning of the program and students and staff are asked to contract accordingly.
• If you are doing snack time prior to the discussion, consider choosing a relevant and positive song that will begin playing at the end of the snack time as a cue that everyone is to finish eating, clean up their place, put their phones away, and move their chairs into the circle. As they become familiar with the song (chosen for the entire semester), they get a feel for how long they have to transition to group. We ask them not to bring food or drink into the circle, but they are allowed to keep it for later if they choose to leave it in a designated place with their name on it.
• Above all you must create a safe community of which these teens will want to be a part. If they find space and grace rules over shame and blame in this place, they will keep coming back. Let your effort be first to love them, for only then will you impact them.
• ONE FINAL WORD: I read recently that this generation of teenagers is the most privileged yet the most damaged of all generations before them. Suicide rates in this age group continue to rise, and mental health issues are commonplace in middle and high schools. The dichotomy between their social media images and their realities is alarming, and it is taking its toll in untold numbers. Please believe me when I say that students are aching for genuine relationships with adults they trust enough to be vulnerable. Your group might be their last hope. Don’t let them down. Let them know it’s okay not to be okay.
